The Perfect Shaman
by Kaiamara
Summary: What happens when Angel Fantastica MarySue comes to Funbari Hill? And then what happens when she is Yoh’s supposed ‘boy friend’, the girl that Hao’s in love with and then most of the other guys fall for her? Rated T for MarySue appearances. No couples, fu
1. MarySue

**Disclaimer: **Shaman King belongs to its respected owner. And you guessed it! That's not me!

Kaia: This is actually going to be the prologue I'm switching it with the first chapter. It was the third thing I wrote, after the second chapter. This is just a description of the Mary-Sue, so you'll get a better idea of why I dislike them. Still, this is a joke fic. I do not wish to be like the Mary-Sue I created. So that seems it'd three chapters, ne?

- - - - - -

Beauty.

Intelligence.

Power.

Curves.

Stunning.

Entrancing.

Perfect.

All these words describe one thing. 'Mary-Sue.'

These creatures are the most entrancing in the world. Stopping all men with their so-called 'beauty.'

All who glance at it are ensnared by it. Stunning is just the right word.

Angel Fantastica Mary-Sue is exactly what these words are.

Beauty. Intelligence. Power. Curves. Stunning. Entrancing. Perfect.

But these are not all the words that describe a Mary-Sue. What are these other words you wonder?

Annoying.

Too-perfect.

What the creator of such characters wishes to be themselves, seeing as they are perhaps ugly or unpopular.

Mary-Sues are a self-insertation of the author usually made perfect to get paired with a character

A pest.

And these are most that come to mind when dealing with a Mary-Sue.

- - - - - - - - - -

Kaia: If you read earlier this is just a description of the Mary-Sues that people make. Mary-Sues must be burned and if you agree with this then I agree with you! –Burn all Mary-Sues that she cans find-


	2. It Comes!

The Perfect Shaman 

Disclaimer: This one does not own Shaman King. All that is owned is the character and the plot.

Kaia: Welcome to my latest fic, _The Perfect Shaman! _This fic is supposed to be pure humor. Just to let you all know that is. I feel kind of sorry for what is going to happen to Hao and Yoh. And to let you know they **will not **be having hot monkey sex. Capuche? Good. –Ears lower in tiredness- I really should update my other fics as well…-sigh- also I do not remember if Manta became a Shaman or not so he won't be one.

Need to Knows: 

Couples: Which would be none what so ever. Except with the character I made and the actual couples in the show. But other than that none at all!

Summary: What happens when Angel Fantastica Mary-Sue comes to Funbari Hill? And then what happens when she is Yoh's supposed 'boy friend', the girl that Hao's in love with and then most of the other guys fall for her? And what will they do to get rid of her? Read and you shall know.

Other Things: If something pops in a paragraph and it says A/N that would mean Author's note. If there are any Japanese words in this fic that you do not understand there shall be a translation thing at the bottom.

Warning: There shall be a Mary-Sue in this fic. And guess what will happen to her? And she is only made up as a joke. Also this has not been beta-ed. I hope that someone will be kind enough to be my SK beta if they choose to.

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It Comes!

It was yet another regular day in Funbari Hill. The birds were singing, the sun was shining and the Shaman were training. 5 Shaman in fact, an itako and a short boy who _could _see spirits but was not a shaman.

"Finish your 50 laps or you'll get 100 more!" Shouted the blonde Itako as the tired boys began to run their 40th lap. A loud groan could be heard, and Anna noted this. "100 more laps for you Horohoro!"

"How did she know it was me?" Came from a certain blue haired Ainu.

"Simple." Was the reply "You were the only one that shouted and so now the others don't have to finish their laps? You do, since you were complaining."

The rest of the group sat down thankfully on the group, each sighing in relief. Well except for Ren, who just sat cross-legged with his arms crossed. Yoh began to lay down stretching and getting ready for a nap. But their break was not long, seeing as they all sensed an immensely strong Shaman approaching.

Getting in defensive positions, ready for an attack. But when nothing came and only a girl came into view. Everyone's jaws dropped, excepting Ren, Anna, Yoh and Manta. This girl was _stunning._

Long waist length golden curls, pretty vibrant blue eyes. Curves in all the exact places and her hands were just the right length. Her outfit was made well. A tube top, mini skirt and a long black trench coat. Ryu, Horohoro, and Chocolove (A/N: This is Jocko in the Dub. His name shall stay the same.) Were all in awe of the beauty. Yoh and Manta were kind of dumbfounded, about who this was. Anna and Ren were rather skeptical and seemed to dislike her from this.

"Hello. My name is Angel Fantastica Mary-Sue. As you may have noticed I am a Shaman, the strongest and most perfect at that. But you can and will call me Mary-Sue." She told them with a toothy smile. Showing all of her sparkling white teeth.

The three shamans were still ogling her, and the other 4 people were just staring at her. What she said next would make them all shocked.

"I have come to see Asakura Yoh. _MY _boyfriend." Mary-Sue's gaze went over to Yoh, as her eyes became hearts. Said shaman gave her an odd look and then a quick glance at Anna. She had gone into death mode. First wanting to kill Mary-Sue and then Yoh.

"Uh…um, Anna…? I have **no idea **who she is! Except her name since she told us." The brunette was slowly backing away from Anna and Mary-Sue. Ren and Manta knew that if there were not a good explanation then Yoh would die by Anna's hand.

Anna said nothing.

Everyone was silent and watching Anna, to see what she would do about Mary-Sue, and possibly to Yoh. Only after a moment passed had Anna said something.

"Yoh. Explain. NOW." Her stern voice demanding that he to explain about the thing, Mary-Sue, standing before them.

"But Anna! The thing is I _don't _know. Maybe it should explain." Yoh responded as he pointed at Mary-Sue. She smiled yet again and nodded. Her long curled hair shifting as she did so.

"Yoh became my fiancée when he and I were both at the age of 10. He and Matamune saved me from the oni (I) that haunted me because of my power and where I lived. I am both an Itako and a Shaman. I've trained Yoh hard ever since. My over soul is that of an Angel. Gracing my beautiful body with that of stunning angel wings. Making me even more of an angel than I am without them and a golden glow always surrounds me." She paused for a moment to look at the stunned faces. "I am much older than I seem. I reincarnate myself every 500 years. This is my second time doing so, but my third body. I have the powers of all elements, but my preference is fire."

All stared at her in disbelief. 10 minutes had passed before Anna had said something.

"That…is what happened to Yoh and _I. _NOT YOU! I have ALL of the memories. Also, what you just explained about you having the power of all the elements and being able to reincarnate yourself? Those abilities _do not _belong to you, but Hao." Anna explained her voice shaking with fury at the imposter.

More silence rang through the group. Mary-Sue sighed.

"Oh my dear Hao, how I remember him. He loved me yet I could not love him back. It was so terrible. 1000 years ago I had to assist in the demise of my love…" One beautiful tear slid down her smooth face as she said this. Her voice was trembling just a bit.

"I am '_your dear' _eh?" Came a smooth voice from above them. A smirk was on the face of its speaker. Long waist length brown hair was flowing in the wind. The figure was standing atop Spirit of Fire.

It was Hao.

Translations:

Oni- A demon or an Ogre. They haunted Anna when she was younger, but this is only in the manga.

Kaia: I hope you enjoy chapter one of 'The Perfect Shaman.' Angel Fantastica Mary-Sue is just a character I made up for fun and I shall never make better use of her. Also 850 words without all the extra stuff XP pretty good for me.

Hey look. It's the review button. Does it not look sad? Also if you click it with you cursor and then review something good will happen! Perhaps the death of A.F. Mary-Sue maybe only maybe…only this one knows.


	3. It Stays!

**Disclaimer: **Shaman King is the property of Hiroyuki Takei, haven't you learned that yet?

**Kaiamara: **Welcome to chapter two of _The Perfect Shaman!_ This is probably the second time when I've begun writing my second chapter after the story began! Also I would like to thank _gummyworms, ChaosAkita, A Complete Lack of Sanity_, and _DigitalDreamer_ for being my first 4 reviewers! Need To Knows are still in the first chapter, translations will still be at the bottom. Now on with chapter two of the fic!

- - - -

It Stays!

It was Hao.

He was standing a top Spirit of Fire, looking as cool and calm per usual.

"Since when have I been chasing after _you?"_ A smirk appearing on his face as some loose strands of brunette hair flowed past his face. The others were just looking from Angel Fantastica Mary-Sue to Hao.

"Oh, Hao! I knew I just _knew _you would follow me! No matter where I was, Hell, Heaven or the Earth." Tears of joy were streaming down her face. "Oh how I would love to be with you…but Yoh is going to marry me!" She indicated to the younger twin.

Hao looked at his twin, "Him? Okay…The **real **reason I came was to kill it!" A gloved hand was pointed at Mary-Sue in rage.

"Now why would that be my sweet?"

"BECAUSE! _YOU _keep telling everyone that I'm in love with you. WHEN I AM NOT!" It looked up at Hao with tears streaming down her…its face

"Hao…how could you say that? I know you love me." Its voice trembling as she spoke. Little stars and hearts were sparkling around her; sakuras (I) were floating through the background.

He looked at her for a moment and then at the others before he said anything.

"Oh my dear Mary-Sue. I do apologize for being so cruel. You know that I shall always lo-" But the Pyro Shaman could not finish his sentence, it seemed as if an invisible hand had slapped him. Hard. A dazed expression was on his face, but only for a second, then it became normal again.

"What the hell?" Was all he said before a ball of fire went flying towards Mary-Sue.

"Oh Yoh dearest! Please come and rescue me. I am a poor and defenseless, beautiful young girl!" As it made a dramatic pose. Yoh just stared at her blankly.

"And why would I do that? I don't even know you!" He burst as the Mary-Sue glomped him and sent a ball of water to counter Hao's ball of fire.

"Did you forget my Hao? I have the power of all the elements."

Hao was stunned. "I HAVE THE POWER OF ALL THE ELEMENTS! NOT YOU!" He began stomping around on the ground. Ryu, Choco, Horo, and Manta all quickly got out of his way; Anna was stunned by the creature that may be called a 'girl.' And Ren? He was just watching, Qwan-Do (II) at the ready. Yoh couldn't really do anything seeing as A.F. Mary-Sue was practically suffocating him.

'_Someone is PMSing…'_ Horo thought as he quickly dodged a ball of flame.

"I'm going to leave before that **thing **has a worse effect on me! Stupid bit-" And Hao left before he could finish that last word, seeing as he should not be a potty mouth.

Each of them stared in disbelief at the Mary-Sue glomperfiying Asakura Yoh. The poor boy. Nobody knew what to do about it, so they just let it keep glomping Yoh. Approximately five hours later,

Mary-Sue let go of Yoh; everyone else just assumed that she had gotten bored with it.

Her long golden curls swung after her as she set out towards the main house of the Asakura/Kyouyama compound. Three shamans had shocked looks on their faces. One just stared; golden cat-like eyes boring into her as he watched what she did. One midget had his mouth hanging to the ground he knew what was coming. Yoh was sprawled out on the ground in a daze. And Anna, well she was quite pissed off at what the thing was doing.

"Walking into my house uninvited…eh." The blonde itako was muttering to herself "Well she'll be in quite a bit of hell for _this."_

An evil smirk came on to Anna's face. She also began to make her way across the lawn towards the compound. The others followed suit, Ren went and retrieved the dazed Yoh.

- - - - - -

When the others had entered and were in the kitchen they saw Anna sitting across from Mary-Sue at the table. Each smiling pleasantly at the other, which would be somewhat shocking to them seeing as they hated each other since Mary-Sue stepped foot in the front yard. Each of the 6 sat themselves around the table. (Yoh isn't as dazed as he was, he can sit down though.)

"I, Angel Fantastica Mary-Sue, am going to be honoring you all with my presence. Which means that I shall staying here for a week to overlook the training of my fiancée." A pleasant smile still on her 'flawless' face Ryu, Choco, and Horo melted. A certain

Chinese Shaman scoffed, the smallest of the group had an odd look on his face, and Yoh was still somewhat dazed. A certain blonde girl just smiled back. Most, (Yoh, Ren and Manta) would call this certain smile a cause for horror. But the thing sitting across from Anna did not seem to care.

"That will be fine, but we have to take care of some things later then." Mary-Sue nodded at this. "Horo." Horo stood up immediately. "Show her to one of the empty rooms."

"Yes ma'am!" And with that the blue haired Ainu and the thing were off to her room.

The rest of them were just sitting and thinking when a clatter disrupted their thoughts. They all looked to see Manta on the ground going to pick up his encyclopedia (III) when a look of horror dawned on his face.

"What is it Manta?" Yoh asked, as he was no longer dazed.

"It…its…_this." _He said in a chocked voice as he pointed down to something in the large encyclopedia.  
"Read it then my little friend." Ryu said encouragingly.

The short boy nodded and began to read the text, "_The most illustrious and hard to get rid of creatures is known as the _Mary-Sue. _The 'Mary-Sue' is the Japanese version of the Ancient Greek's, Sirens. Tantalizing men with their flawless features, long golden curly hair and curves make them the perfect creature to steal anyone's boyfriend, fiancée, or husband. They make all the hot guys, and other men, fall for their beauty. Causing them to forget what they were saying before and then the men will fall for their undying beauty. They will then ramble on about how much they love the 'Mary-Sue' and want to marry it. In such rare cases that a Mary-Sue is there here are some steps on getting rid of them:_

_Make it sacrifice itself for the one it's trying to make fall madly in love with, when in battle with an enemy._

_Take all the men out of its presence; if there are none there ogling it or other such things it's power and beauty shall be gone. Causing it to vanish._

_Make it be surrounded by only women; women do not fall for the powers of a Mary-Sue._

_This is last and final step in getting rid of a Mary-Sue, make sure that all in the plan will go along with it to the very end. All the men will have to be in love with the same gender. This will defiantly cause the Mary-Sue to lose its power, seeing as the creatures surrounding it will love others and not it._

_If none of these steps work please desert the village, town, or city at once. Never let a Mary-Sue have its picture taken or become public. This will then cause it to gain more power, with more people loving it._

"And that's all it says." Manta ended with a shudder.

"So…that thing **IS **a Mary-Sue it would seem…" Ren stated as he glared at the floor. Choco and Ryu had looks of horror on their faces. Yoh was looking over at Anna, worried. But all Anna did was smile maniacally.

"I have a plan then. Seeing as this house is filled with men…"

Everyone stared at Anna in horror. Yoh was the first to speak.  
"Please Anna…not that way!" His voice trembling, he **knew** what her plan was.

"That's the only thing we can use to get rid of it. Its not my fault." The others just bowed their heads in defeat and nodded. All was quiet…

"Oh Yohh." A voice rang out as said shaman whipped his head up in shock.

- - - - -

Translation:

Sakura- Cherry Blossoms, this was too cliché to pass up. I had to use it! 

Qwan-Do- this is Ren's bo-staff with the spear at the end. Usually used to spear people or poke Choco in the nose.

Kaia: Phew! That was one long chapter. I hope all who read it enjoyed it. Also this one was unbeta-ed as well. I thought up the perfect prologue as I was writing this one. XD

Look! A rare and illustrious review button! I think if you click it and review this fic the review button, and myself, will love you a lot. Lastly, A Complete Lack Of Sanity, I agree to that.


	4. It Takes!

**Disclaimer: **Does Shaman King contain any Yaoi that is actually shown? No? Well then I still don't own it.

**Kaiamara: **Welcome back to chapter 3 of _The Perfect Shaman! _Was that a cliffhanger that has been left last chapter? I think it is…also someone else finds out something about the Sue. Nya ha ha. –Fox ears perk up- Next chapter w

**N.T.K.: **Translations are still being held ransom at the bottom of the chapter. Meaner things are going to happen to Yoh. I am cruel.

Italics _/…/ _Means emphasis, they're reading Manta's encyclopedia or flashback.

Bold **/…/ **People are usually yelling, or emphasis when they're reading.

**Thanks: **Thanks to…_Nekoian, Gummyworms, ChaosAkita, Anim3Luva, KaoruGal, porpoise-dreamer, pau-of-the-desert, yiLee, earthfairy, and MusicDreamer! Thank you all for not flaming and being supportive!_

- - - - - - - -

It Takes!

"_Yohh." A beautiful voice called from the hallway._

- - - - - - - - - - -

Yoh looked towards the direction of where the thing was calling his name, eyes wide and a look of complete fright on his features. He gulped. Anna just smirked as the others looked towards Yoh. The itako (I) just nodded and her smirk remained. All of the others pitied Yoh in what he had to do. Anna's plan was running through Yoh's mind. 

'_You guys will all have to either pick someone to _be _your 'boyfriend' or I will. Oh, and Yoh?'_

'_Yes Anna?'_

'_You're the one that's going to have to stay with _it._ And you have no choice in the matter.'_

Mid-length, perfectly straight black and red hair swung softly (Can you all guess who this is?) Mary-Sue entered the room. Her light fuchsia coloured eyes scanning the room for a certain Shaman. And when he was located thin and beautiful arms encased him.

"Oh my dearest Yoh! How I missed you ever so much…" small tears of love began to form at her eyes. Causing her eye colour to become a light purple. They vanished in a moment, leaving the eye colour that same lovely light purple. The grip of the thing never leaving Yoh, poor Yoh, we all pity him for this.

"Yoh, I have a list of things for you to pick up from the market, and other stores. Bring the Sue if you want to." Anna told him as she handed him a two-paged list, and some money. "Take your time."

Yoh looked over at Anna, nodded and took the list and money. Somehow he managed to wriggle out of Mary Sue's grip. He slowly headed for the door…but his arm was grabbed and then yanked out of the house.

"I, Angel Fantastica Mary Sue, shall retrieve each of these items with my dearest Yoh!" She yelled in her beautiful voice, as she rushed out in a blur of light pink, white, and green.

"Heh. Let's set this up while they are gone." Anna told the others with a smirk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As everyone was getting ready and thinking on how to rid their lives and others of the Sue, Manta was rereading the passage on the Mary Sue. Wondering if he could find anything else on it. He flipped to the next page, noticing something strange. The information on the 'Mary Sue' began on page 239 and ended on page 240, but then the next page after he flipped it was 243. And to his horror, pages 241 and 242 were stuck together! The short blonde's face appeared utterly shocked as he read the page that was missing.

"ANNA-SAN!"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Anna looked up from what her television programme to see what Manta wanted. The short boy was in utter shock and horror.

"What do you want?" She questioned in a monotone voice.

"Two pages in my book were stuck together…"

"And…?"

"One of them had more information on the 'Mary Sue.' I think you should read it." Manta explained as he passed Anna the encyclopedia, opened to the page that they had missed.

Here is what it had said:

_Some side information on the _Mary Sue

_They are able to alter their appearances at will. Their hair may be curly and blonde one moment, but be straight, black and red the next moment. Eyes may be blue, and then become purple or fuchsia. _

_Curves will always be on the _Mary Sue_ when they are able to keep up any '_attractive' _appearance. Outfits that will show off these 'curves' will be worn. And the outfit will always change when they change their appearance._

_When the Mary Sue knows it is going to be killed or destroyed it will go to _**extreme **_measures to make sure it does not. If so, its appearance will then become flawed and hideous. Becoming what some would say as a '_gorgon,' _a mythical Greek creature. Who is able to turn anyone who gazes at it into stone, one of the most hideous creatures to ever be seen. The eyes of the Mary Sue will become slits and red, and the hair will be either grey or white and rather mousy. When they appear like this, they are using all the power to make all love it again. But continue using the method that was used to transform it into like this, and then it will vanish forever. Only leaving a groutesque stain on the floor._

Anna had a face of concentration on. Thinking of how to alter her plan to correspond this information with it. A grin came to her face, showing Manta that she had figured out how to keep the plan relatively the same, and use the information she had recently obtained.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mary Sue had first dragged Yoh to a drug store. Where they had to buy aspirin, toothpaste, soap, and a few other things. The brown haired shaman had a forced grin on his face, looking like his usual one.

"Ah. I do enjoy spending quality time together, do you not my love?" The cerulean hair coloured creature asked Yoh.

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I do. The best time in my life." He replied as he walked up to the cashier, who gave Yoh a surprised look.

"I thought you were going out with that Anna girl, did you break up with her?" The elderly cashier woman asked as she took the items from Yoh's basket.

"I am." He whispered as Mary Sue was looking at the make-up. "The person following me just thinks that they're my 'girlfriend,' its still Anna though. Okay?"

The elderly woman nodded as she told Yoh the price. He paid her, gave his thanks and left. Mary Sue not trailing far behind him. Now they had to go get their groceries, which took up about one and a half pages.

Yoh sighed he knew this was going to be long. And he just had to endure it, knowing Anna would kill him if he didn't.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The group that was remaining at the house was outside and Anna was going over with them the changes in the plan. Each of them nodded.

"Okay. So let me get this straight Ryu and I have to go until Mary-Sue is killed?" Chocolove queered as Mic floated by his head.

"Yes. And why? Because I said so, you can stay at a nearby hotel. You will be paying yourselves of course. Tell us which hotel, and we'll call you when it's gone. Got that?" The blonde told them with a stern voice.

"Ye-yes ma'am!" Both Ryu and Chocolove sputtered out. Both quickly went inside to gather their things then leave.

In about five minutes, they both came out. Told them they made reservations at 'Le Dragon Noir (II).' Both saying their good-byes as they exited the gates.

"Now that they're gone we need to do some things with this group. Okay, Ren and Horohoro." Anna began

"Yes Anna-san?" Horohoro asked.

"You two will be sharing a bed."

Horo's face broke (you know what I mean!) and Ren froze. A cold wind blew through, a moment passed before anyone else spoke.

"Fine." And it was Ren.

Horo fainted. Manta just sat there. And Anna? Oh she was telling whoever else needed to sleep with whomever.

"Hao. You are sleeping with Yoh."

Manta's look was of utter shock. Hao smiled from his perch in the tree. Anna smirked.

And Yoh? He sneezed from wherever he was.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Translation:

Itako- sort of like a spirit summoner, Anna uses her necklace to summon them.

Le Dragon Noir- it means 'The Black Dragon.' If you don't get it, I'm not explaining it. I don't mean to be rude or racist or anything. But Seeing as 'Ryu' means Dragon and Chocolove is 'The Black Panther/Jaguar' I couldn't pass this up.

Kaia: I do apologize for the rather lateness of this chapter. I actually began writing it on the March Break, which _was _a _while _ago. –Bows- Sorry, –Fox ears twitch- is that a review creature I heard? I think it is…if you review it might just belong to you and be your friend. What do you think?

I think I should stop writing such think paragraphs, what do you guys think?


End file.
